irriated... angered... bothered... annoyed... and hurt. why do i strive to find love in all the wrong places? been latched on to this guy who is twice my age - a few years older than my mom in fact... and for what? what does he have to offer me besides mounds of heartache and constant rejection? it's always been this way. he's not affectionate and would rather tweek off his computer than spend a moment with me. and still i'm here. remind me why that is. so he's a good father to my son when he's not the biological father. is that a good enough reason to put myself through this? i cry myself to sleep at night wondering where i went wrong. but what i really believe is i never had it right to begin with. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.... i just feel so hurt. we just had a conversation about this earlier and he said the whole "i'm sorry baby" bullshit routine. and my dumb ass bought it as though that were the first time i had heard it. grrrrrrrrrr.... only to be ignored for the rest of the night. and tomorrow will come and he'll do the same fucken thing. the things we do for love....
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